![]() In developing these thoughts, use positive words like happy, peaceful, loving, enthusiastic, and warm.Īvoid using negative words such as worried, frightened, upset, tired, bored, not, never, or can't. When you are thinking a positive thought about yourself, you can't be thinking a negative one. You can't think two thoughts at the same time. The next step in this process is to develop positive statements you can say to yourself to replace these negative thoughts whenever you notice yourself thinking them. By shifting the focus externally instead of inward, it can be easy to understand how negative self-talk is usually too harsh and even untrue."Ĭountering Negative Thoughts With Positive Thoughts It's also helpful for people to think about how they would feel if their partner or friend were talking about themselves in that way and whether they would agree. George, MA-MFT, says it can also be helpful to try to look at yourself from someone who knows you well and who you trust's point of view: "I like to ask my clients if their best friend or partner would agree and say that about them too. Often, just looking at a thought or situation in a new light helps. You could also ask someone else, someone who likes you and who you trust, if you should believe this thought about yourself. What do I get out of thinking this thought? If it makes me feel bad about myself, why not stop thinking about it?.Would a person say this to another person? If not, why am I saying it to myself?.When you are in a good mood and when you have a positive attitude about yourself, ask yourself the following questions about each negative thought you have noticed: You may want a close friend or counselor to help you with this. It helps to take a closer look at your negative thought patterns to check whether or not they are true. As you become aware of your negative thoughts, you may notice more of them. Some people say they notice more negative thinking when they are tired, sick, or dealing with a lot of stress. Carry a small pad with you as you go about your daily routine for several days, and jot down negative thoughts about yourself whenever you notice them. ![]() You may think these thoughts or give yourself these negative messages so often that you are hardly aware of them. ![]() The messages tend to be the worst in everything, especially you, and they are hard to turn off or unlearn. They come up immediately in the right circumstance-for instance, if you get a wrong answer, you think, "I am so stupid." They may include words like should, ought, or must. Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over to themselves include: "I am a jerk," "I am a loser," "I never do anything right," "No one would ever like me," and "I am a klutz." Most people believe these messages, no matter how untrue or unreal they are. This isn't uncommon but can be corrected." Perhaps you'd just experienced failure or loss at a time when you felt helpless and now tell yourself you're useless and aren't even sure why. Maybe you were bullied as a teen and hadn't formed a clear sense of self when you took these messages on. George, MA-MFT, says, "It can be particularly hard to break habits around negative self-talk if those messages were adopted during a time of growth or struggle. These negative thoughts or messages make you feel bad about yourself and lower your self-esteem.Įrin L. You may have even worsened the problem by making up some negative messages or thoughts of your own. Once you have learned them, you may have repeated these negative messages over and over to yourself, especially when you were not feeling well or when you were having a hard time.
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